As coaches we repeatedly come up with people who really want to transform themselves but struggle with the above question. ‘It is just my character’. ‘I am just no good with people’ . ‘I am hot-tempered’ etc . Strong self-beliefs, turned into eternal self-fulfilling prophecies become strong barriers to change.
Thankfully enough, the huge development in neuroscience over the past two decades helped to scientifically explain what many coaches, spiritual gurus and others already knew by experience before: people who want to change can really change!
Because we all have a huge gift given to us: it is called ‘neuroplasticity‘ ! Recent genetics have proved that only a small percentage of our genetic material are being used over and over again, while the rest lies dormant only to spring to life as a response to some signal. Therefore, our genetic code is not ‘all or nothing‘ ! It is flexible and different parts of it can be activated at different times (Ridley 2000): Changes in experience can lead to those epigenetic changes (Aulakh, 2009). In fact it is this additional brain flexibility (neuroplasticity) provided by epigenetics, which enables the creation of NEW neurones whenever it is necessary for us to learn particular knowledge or skills .
So what is the practical process which enables this ability of our brain to change itself, even in the ‘deepest-routed’ character attributes ?
It can be summarized into 4 steps :
Step 1: Become aware of out current status, pertaining to our limiting attitudes, beliefs or behaviors. Become aware what we currently possess or potentially miss. This is critical for going into step 2
Step 2: Decide that we REALLY want to change. Allow ourselves to FEEL inside that the benefit of changing is higher than the cost / effort of changing. This is by itself a new information stored in the brain, enough for the new neurons to be created!
Step 3: be consistent and repetitive with our new attitudes, beliefs and behaviors, both in terms of positive thoughts AND different actions. This makes the new neurons become deeper and wider, while the old ones gradually weaken and shrink.
Step 4: Actively help our brain change : we may affect the rate by which our brain creates new neurons by managing our stress levels, sleeping well, physically exercising regurarly, and repeatedly providing new experiences to ourselves even in our everyday routine (for example, drive to work through a different route everyday).
Bottom line: given current scientific knowledge there is no point to the old question ‘Can I really change?’. The real question is :’How much do I really want to change?’
